Now that really gets me riled...

Contributed Auburn Villager Gillis Morgan

Sir Bullwinkle and Mr. Chips are discussing things.

Bullwinkle: I sure am glad that this character who sets us into motion is through writing about the Selma-to-Montgomery march.

Chips: Don't mention it anymore. You might get him riled again.

Bullwinkle: Is it riled or roiled?

Chips: Rile: Merriam-Webster: Chiefly Northern and North Midland U.S.; 1. to irritate, to vex. 2. to roil (water and the like. (1815-25; variety of roil)

Bullwinkle: So what does that mean? Is it correct to use rile or roil? And what is this business about "chiefly Northern or North Midland?" It's from Appalachia, and you know it.

Chips: The dictionary people work diligently to study these words, Bully. Humor them.

Bullwinkle: But which one is correct. Rile or roil?

Chips: Just use irritate.

Bullwinkle: That's a better choice than vex. I don't know anybody who has ever been vexed.

Chips: Good man. Americans have always had a problem with "oi and ile." I wish Ward Allen had not moved to Kentucky so we could talk with him about these things.

Bullwinkle: You got that right. I remember being in the fifth grade lunch line in Evergreen when Mattie Lou Dean told me real serious: "Don't eat the green Jello ... it's 'pizen.'"

Chips: Mattie Lou must have been from the Appalachian section of Conecuh County.

Bullwinkle: Yep. Either that or the North Midland section.

Chips: Let's change the subject before I become vexed. Did you read about the perfect traffic jam in China ... on a mountain ... four lanes either way ... about 100 miles long ... for about 10 days ... and they were selling noodles for four times the regular cost.

Bullwinkle: That's long enough to elect the Tea Party to a majority in the Senate and the House, and hold a coronation for Sarah Palin.

Chips: Now that would get me riled.

Bullwinkle: That reminds me. What kind of system do the Chinese have?

Chips: Newsweek calls it "managed capitalism."

Bullwinkle: (laughing) Isn't that an oxymoron?

Chips: Well it may be, but they own us, they have more millionaires than we do and they are about to colonize outer space.

Bullwinkle: What happened to us?

Chips: First, we became vexed when John Wayne died, and then when Karl Rove became President, we really got roiled.

Gillis Morgan is an associate professor emeritus of journalism at Auburn University. He can be reached at morgarg7@aol.com.